Tag Archives: Bisexuality

Making our cake and eating it too!

Cake has feature heavily in the history of LGBT+ communities.

Firstly you have the idea that being bisexual is having your cake and eating it (with the implications sometimes being that bisexuals are indiscriminate, greedy or lazy) which while some bisexuals have embraced the cake idea, some, other have wanted to get the hell away from it.

The other group which has totally jumped on the cake wagon (nom…cake wagon…) is the online asexual community. AVEN welcomes new members with cake, even though no one is quite sure where it comes from it has become one of the symbols of asexuality.

well it does look a really good cake.

Also cake is just generally awesome. I don’t think I could love someone who didn’t love cake. So I pleaded to be allowed to post about baking on this blog, because it really should be part of our agenda if it is not already. And I have some recipes and ideas that may make it  more likely.


Why hello ladies...I am a tasty cake.

Why hello ladies…I am a tasty cake.

Yes. A cake which is a rainbow. This has also been called “pride cake” or “mystery cake” (when covered in plain icing.) It is super simple and super tasty. It could also be really easily adapted for whatever pride flag or colours you like.

You will need:

  • 2 x 20cm cake pans (or different sizes but you may need to adjust timings)
  • Food colourings (paste or liquid) red, yellow, blue, purple (hard to mix), green and orange if you like but they come out ok when mixed.
  • Plain icing (packet or be fancy and do a frosting)
  • 200g each of: self raising flour, caster sugar, soft butter,
  • 1 teaspoon (5ml) baking powder
  • 4 eggs beaten

Make it:

  1. Turn oven to 190/gas mark 5 (slightly less for fan ovens)
  2. Combine the flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and eggs in a large bowl. Beat until it is soft and smooth.
  3. Divide the mixture into 6 smaller bowls and add food colourings. The colours will be stronger when it is cooked but don’t make them too weak, unless you really like your pastels.
  4. Go wild! Splodge the mixture into pre-greased tins or silicone pans. Don’t worry about prettiness here.
  5. Pop in the oven on the middle shelf for 20 mins (check the first time you make it as it may take a little more or less time. Check by using a clean skewer, if it comes out clean it is done.)
  6. Turn off the oven and leave the cake to cool on a cooking rack. Don’t eat it yet.
  7. If you are doing a double layer cake when it is cool, sandwich the two together with jam/buttercream/nutella/whatever you like.
  8. Otherwise, once it is cool cover it in your plain icing as a disguise and decorate as you wish.
  9. Serve it to your friends and allow your cake to “come out” and show its true colours!
  10. EAT.

I will be back again if people want be to be exploring my adventures making macarons in different flavours (more pictures next time!)

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Born this way?

Coming out is a process, I admire those who have – I can openly say that I most certainly haven’t. We struggle and struggle, often in silence, and then we have our moment where we just know. Whether gay, straight, bisexual, or whatever, we are born this way and we will die this way. Or maybe not that’s not quite right? Surely this can’t be the only explanation.

I believe that sexuality is fluid.

 When you are discovering who you are and who you want to be with, you go through phases of trying to find exactly what you identify as. Trying on different labels until we find the one that fits. It’s not that our sexuality is fluid, it’s that we haven’t found the right label yet.

But what if our sexuality could continually change throughout our lives. I mean everything else does: our tastes in clothes, or music, or food. But more to the point, our own personalities change throughout our lives – I believe that our sexuality is one of the biggest aspects of our personality.

I always knew from a young age that I wasn’t straight – and that was fine, more than fine! As I had an interest in both men and women, it was right to assume that I was bisexual, right?

fuck gender norms and barriers

And I was bisexual. For a while. As I grew up something started to not feel quite right. I had fully accepted myself  as bisexual, that had felt like a perfect fit, but now I wasn’t so sure. I had completely returned to square one of the ‘Who am I, really?’ path. Upon much more contemplation of what I potentially am, I completely broke down. It drove me nuts as I, like so many of us, had to deal with such disgusting discrimination. I felt dirty, I was hurt – I could hardly look at myself in the mirror. It took me over a year before I spoke to anyone about sexuality again, even now; most people have no idea that I am not straight.

I think that sexuality is something that changes and develops as we get older.

Our needs, wants and desires change throughout our lifetime – once again, take this with a pinch of salt (or perhaps a bag). Some people’s needs, wants and desires change little throughout their lives and then other’s change so dramatically. I think this is a really normal thing to happen to everyone who is ‘queer’ in one way or another. After years of wondering, ,  questioning and after many tears were shed, I identify as a pansexual. It was after several years of meeting new people of new genders and sexualities, having seen their beauty individually I began to notice things like gender less and less, it is now something that doesn’t even occur to me. Ever since trying on the pansexual label, I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own skin – even if you and only a few others know it.  Who knows – my sexuality could change in the years to come – I highly doubt it though – I think that my preferences might shift to a certain extent, but within the pansexual umbrella.

Sexuality, along with so many other aspects of our personality change and develop with time. If you are lucky enough to just know, and understand who and what you are, then I am rather envious. For those of you who are still searching for yourself, it’ll come with time.

Keep talking.

Keep reading.

Keep thinking.

You’ll get there in the end.

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